Ol' Sloppy

Throughout the ages, wizards have had the reputation of being "lame" and "uncool" and "not fit to party, dude"

It's okay, buddy. I don't get invited to parties either!

But, after years of research, rejection, and experimentation, (so, basically "college" from my understanding) Orgaf the Great concocted a drink so powerful, so potent, so unpredictable as to how it will fuck you up, it only goes by the name "Ol' Sloppy"

Some who have tried the drink say it didn't have any effect on them. Others say they miss weeks, months, even years. Some of them wake up on the other side of the planet with new lives, new party members, different clothes...you get the picture. Some say they feel stronger, others say they feel more intelligent. It makes some drinkers sick, it makes others lose control of their bowels and bladders.

Of course...there is a slightly slim chance that nothing will happen at all.
This item is extremely rare!

Here's a table for you to roll on. (After these, roll on the Time table below, unless you get 'nothing happens')
(1d10)
1. Roll on teleportation table
2. Roll on memory table
3. Roll on health table
4. Roll on stat table
5. Roll on effect table
6. Roll on item table
7. Roll on monster table
8. Roll on Teleportation and Health tables
9. Roll on stat and effect tables
0. Roll 1d10 and percentile die. Add the total together until you get a single number

1) Teleportation table (where the character wakes up) 

(1d10)
1. 60 miles away
2. 1000 miles away
3. 20 miles away
4. 1 continent over

5. other side of the map

6. 10 miles away

7.  Nothing happens 

8.  30 miles away

9.  closest forest/wilderness area

0. 100 miles away

2) Memory table (how long they can remember until they blacked out)

(1d6)
1. 15 minutes

2. 30 minutes

3. 2 hours

4. nothing happens

5. 1 hour

6. You know 1 extra language for an hour before blacking out

3) Health (How bad it fucked you up)

Roll 1d6 (or 1d10 if over level 3)
Subtract the rolled number from HP

4) Stat table (what you maybe lost)

You will have to reroll the stat

(1d10)
1. strength

2. charisma

3. intelligence

4. wisdom

5. constitution

6. dexterity 

7. reroll all

8. reroll first three

9. nothing happens

0. reroll last three

5) Effect table (What the fuck you woke up with)

(1d6)

1. overheated

2. acid damage

3. freezing

4. dizzy

5. clumsy

6. two left feet

6) Item Table ("That wasn't there before...")
(1d10)
1. Unmovable Rod
2. Helm of Waterbreathing
3. Undecipherable Spell Book
4. 40 G
5. Short Sword
6. Broken Leather armor
7. Magic Rod
8. Empty glass
9. Nothing happens
0. 100 G

7) Monster table (Why am I in battle right now?)
(1d10)
1. Bugbear
2. Skeleton
3. Giant Ape
4. Gorgon
5. Manticore
6. Elemental
7. Ape
8. Boar
9. Nothing happens
0. Dire Wolf

Time Table

1d10 is the value of 1d6 roll

(1d10 + 1d6)

1. Days

2. Weeks

3. Years

4. Months

5. Minutes

6. Decades

Sample Title

Sample post for sample people

Sample picture simply samply

poo poo is funny as a word haha

I think it worked